Well I'm not doing it. No resolutions to be found here! No GRAND PLAN for sticking to them. No reward for overcoming obstacles. Nope! This year is different.
Last year I spent way too much time making excuses. "I hate my job." "I'm so tired." "If only I had more money." "If only there was someone to help me with..." But that's not really it.
There is a character building program called "Bucket Fillers." It was presented to our elementary students last year. The premise is simple. Everyone has a bucket inside. It needs to be filled for us to be happy and productive. The way that we interact with one another not only affects their bucket, but ours as well. The children are taught that you should strive to be a "Bucket Filler" to those you are around. This basically means encourage one another. Build each other up instead of tearing each other down. When you complement, have patience, help with kind words and actions you are filling someones bucket. When you criticize, are greedy or selfish, and keep to yourself you are emptying someones bucket.
If I'm being completely honest with myself, I'm empty. The well has gone dry. The bucket has had a slow dripping hole---probably for years. And in the spirit of honesty, I probably dip out of my own bucket more than anyone I have ever blamed.
Oh I'm a great bucket filler. I try to encourage others. I want everyone to like me. I teach Pre-K for heavens sake! "Oh bless you!" "Oooo, you must have the patience of Job." I hear you!
But for as long as I can remember I have looked into that bucket without even realizing it existed. I stare down in the bucket and see a pit. And I look in and whisper, "Hello! Is anybody down there?" "Don't you see me up here?" "I'm waiting. Do you have something for me?" "Are you thinking about me today?" "Do I matter to you?" "Please fill my bucket."
And on many days all I hear is a lonely echo. So I fill my own bucket. "You don't matter. You're fat. Your selfish. Nobody needs you." "Don't you see that you don't deserve to be loved?" "It's your own fault!" "YOU SUCK!!!!!"
Well---- 2010 is not a year to me. It is 365 days. And 52 weeks. 52 weeks that God designed. He knows the plan. He is holding my bucket. He keeps putting things in my bucket and I just hammer a new hole.
He has given me a child. I promised to love and train that child.
He has given me some very close family members. I spend as much time (if not more) griping about the ones that are not close as I do encouraging and praying for the ones that are.
He has given me Jesus. I stood in a little office with the lights off in 1995 and accepted forgiveness. And I've wasted 15 years beating myself up for shortcomings.
He has given me scripture. I go to it when I'm sad, or scared, or want to show someone else what may be the answer to their problem.
Today is a day of spackling. I'm going to try and patch up those nasty little holes. I'm not a perfect mason and I'm sure they may leak again. But when they do my goal is to not look around to find out who can fix them for me, but to fix them for myself. I deserve it. My bucket is at the front of the line now. No more second hand leftover scoops for me. I'm serving myself first.
Oh, and by the way---- I haven't filled my bucket with any DP this weekend ;-)
I LOOOVE this new blog'n girl. She Rocks. :)
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